Another stage of life

I have been finished my study life for more than a month. However, I have no any special feeling towards it.
The feeling comes by now as I will be go into a new world (the real world) as a permanent employee.
This isn't a sad feeling, but it is an uncertainty that come with challenges, fear and excited. What a mixed feeling I cant described well.
Time to grow up for the reality world. work should be taken as serious, unlike last time I can tell myself that I am just an intern or I'm not gonna work as permanent here. You need to become serious when you have commitment. I clearly know that that is many challenges waiting for me out there. I need to be strong and tough to handle yet with the stable emotion.
There will be at least 1.5 year that I need to stay start from tomorrow. You can only ask for better benefit and higher salary when you have experience. The mission starts from tomorrow. I don't know what it will be, I just wish myself luck.
After 1.5 year, I don't know where I will go. Maybe go for a 5 days jobs, or maybe go to a vacation. A long one with  new experience..God leads the way it should be.

The miss evil

I always blame other for lost of patient. Recently, I found that myself totally lost of patient. This situation happened especially when someone around me panic, anxious, inpatient, and frustrated. I will be more frustrated and totally lost of control by being affected by the person. The worst is I even will feel dislike the panic person very much.

These had really freak me out by my own attitude. What an evil I had became? It is just like a lovely daughter that being pampered too much by her parent. Finally, the daughter is become a miss evil.
I need to reverse this before everything is too late. I need a stable emotion mental. I think I should pray and train myself for this. Always be alert is the key. Be alert of my every action and every word that come out from my mouth. A word can hurt and kill a person more cruel than others weapon.

A mature woman should handle and deal with all sort of condition clearly and emotional stable. I know I am not achieve to be like that yet I will to be someday.

I am really sorry that my emotion is never fail to affect you. I knew you were tired and busy. That is why I want to let you do your work once last night. I understand that you really want me to improve, I really appreciate that. Nevertheless, the way you critic my letter that I am not worth to against the low pay offer is really hurt me. A deep one. It is just like people said you only worth 1.7k. Support is only what you need when you are down and in emotion.
My grammar is undeniable suck. I really want to improve, but sometime the determination is low and I really do not know how and understand the language sometime.
Maybe this is what I meant by our level is totally different. You are in so high level, yet I am so low. You never know the sadness of a person that lack of basic in her background. I know you can never blame your background, but time is needed. I really scare of these different and level will pull us apart. I typed this as an email, but eventually I decided not to send to affect you again. Let it be settle down with the emotion.