Another stage of life

I have been finished my study life for more than a month. However, I have no any special feeling towards it.
The feeling comes by now as I will be go into a new world (the real world) as a permanent employee.
This isn't a sad feeling, but it is an uncertainty that come with challenges, fear and excited. What a mixed feeling I cant described well.
Time to grow up for the reality world. work should be taken as serious, unlike last time I can tell myself that I am just an intern or I'm not gonna work as permanent here. You need to become serious when you have commitment. I clearly know that that is many challenges waiting for me out there. I need to be strong and tough to handle yet with the stable emotion.
There will be at least 1.5 year that I need to stay start from tomorrow. You can only ask for better benefit and higher salary when you have experience. The mission starts from tomorrow. I don't know what it will be, I just wish myself luck.
After 1.5 year, I don't know where I will go. Maybe go for a 5 days jobs, or maybe go to a vacation. A long one with  new experience..God leads the way it should be.

The miss evil

I always blame other for lost of patient. Recently, I found that myself totally lost of patient. This situation happened especially when someone around me panic, anxious, inpatient, and frustrated. I will be more frustrated and totally lost of control by being affected by the person. The worst is I even will feel dislike the panic person very much.

These had really freak me out by my own attitude. What an evil I had became? It is just like a lovely daughter that being pampered too much by her parent. Finally, the daughter is become a miss evil.
I need to reverse this before everything is too late. I need a stable emotion mental. I think I should pray and train myself for this. Always be alert is the key. Be alert of my every action and every word that come out from my mouth. A word can hurt and kill a person more cruel than others weapon.

A mature woman should handle and deal with all sort of condition clearly and emotional stable. I know I am not achieve to be like that yet I will to be someday.

I am really sorry that my emotion is never fail to affect you. I knew you were tired and busy. That is why I want to let you do your work once last night. I understand that you really want me to improve, I really appreciate that. Nevertheless, the way you critic my letter that I am not worth to against the low pay offer is really hurt me. A deep one. It is just like people said you only worth 1.7k. Support is only what you need when you are down and in emotion.
My grammar is undeniable suck. I really want to improve, but sometime the determination is low and I really do not know how and understand the language sometime.
Maybe this is what I meant by our level is totally different. You are in so high level, yet I am so low. You never know the sadness of a person that lack of basic in her background. I know you can never blame your background, but time is needed. I really scare of these different and level will pull us apart. I typed this as an email, but eventually I decided not to send to affect you again. Let it be settle down with the emotion.

Sunday morning

This is a sunday morning, which is also the last day of my last semester break in university. As usual, I was the latest person woke up at home. It was not very late though, I woke up at 10am. Nevertheless, the house was empty as everyone went out. I should treasure my own sunny and cozy morning. Truly fell in love with Dia Frampton's songs. Love it!

Ordinary

Raining softly outside the window while I am alone in the room can stimulate my emotional up and down with a fulling mind.

The final year of the university life has stress me up. The final year project has make me stressed.

Should I viewing it as a chance of growing up as the blog of mine is stated as growth space.

My supervisor is a person who are very want all the details and justification in all aspects.

I am happy when I know I can as her student eventhough I clearly know that my style of work is totally different from hers.

The stress condtion started when she scolded me at the first time.I was stunted with no feeling. The sadness inside of me risen when everyone around me told me that they never saw her so fierce and etc.Is I not good enough in doing works?or not good enough in talking?and maybe both.

After a sem, I started to get use to these.My thesis title has been change over and over again. I even submitted my first three chapter in a rush just because I changed my title again.

I wonder did my supervisor consider about this or not, but it doesnt a matter to me anymore.There was few times that I rewrite my chapters, all get bad comments from supervisor.I am wondering whether I am confusing everything up or I am just INCAPABILITY.

Frankly, I get to know many of my weakness and insufficiency in my ability in finish some works.I should thanks this final year project to let me know this.

I had tried my best to correct my weakness, but it seems like useless today.I told myself that I will work even harder again. Thats my promise. I don't care how she think about me as long as I finish everything up with my trully effort. I knew that I am a negative thinking person.

A special guy told me that it is important to be a positive person.Thank him very much in supporting me.Once a again, I realised that I am not that good as I thought. I am just a very very ordinary person. Now, I am accepted who I am and trying to be a better and better ordinary person.